HOW TO GIFT ZORPADS
'Tis the season, earthlings. When we gather around a Christmas Tree, Menorah, Kinara, a Festivus Pole, etc. and reminisce on the year that's gone by while the crackle of a fire and the crunch of snow echoes in the background.
But we also have a lot of pent-up angst about the holidays--the tepid ham, overcrowded kitchens, jiu-jitsu to avoid political skirmishes, finding out that eggnog has a bazillion calories, sleeping in your little cousin's bedroom and falling asleep to a poster of Zac Effron. It's all just a little much.
Correction: we're not that mad about the poster of Zac.
So here's where Zorpads come in. Either you love your relatives or you can't stand 'em and we've got you covered either way. A quick listicle of occasions where Zorpads are the perfect gift.
1. When you get involved in a White Elephant scenario and want to cause a stir.
Who's going to open it? Who's going to steal it? WHAT DOES ANY OF IT MEAN?
2. When you have to get someone something but you're Cheap AF.
A perfect time for us to remind you that Zorpads are $5/pair and you don't even have to pay for shipping.
3. When it's a gift for your friend who's actually your worst enemy.
LOVE YOU BOO (but also hate you). Bonus points: give gift in public setting.
4. For the fitness guy who has everything, including shoe odor.
He didn't see it coming but his buddies at Crossfit did.
5. When you're buying for the insufferable techie in your friend group.
You can order a skinny nonfat vanilla latte with your phone but your Allbirds clear out the 33 Bus? Cool, bro. I'm gonna solve a real problem for you.
6. When you have an office gift swap and you want something you can steal back for yourself.
NOTE: Not guaranteed that someone else won't steal it first.
7. The frequent traveler.
You know he's taking his shoes off all the time at security, give him the gift of a fresh TSA bin.
Also in Dispatches from HQ
8 Ways to Tell Your Boyfriend His Feet Smell
While we here at Zorpads are certainly not qualified to tell you how to hypnotize your lover or stand in for a really good couples therapist, there's one situation we're uniquely able to provide advice on: smelly feet.
