Myths Shattered in Adulthood

You did it! Congratulations! You finished some years of coursework and you're ready to *finally* join the #realworld and start contributing to society. Not that we don't think your bright eyed naïveté isn't cute (honestly, most people rely on the gusto of the youth to get everything done), but we thought we'd share our thoughts on some things that we found out were NOT true when we entered adulthood.

1. You'll never have to worry about your metabolism.

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22 is a fine age. You can party all night, eat bagels all day, and still wake up and look at yourself in the mirror and smirk a little. 

Let me tell you about 32. Actually, you can guess what happens at 32. You...can't party all night and eat bagels all day. You can't even eat one bagel on a #cheatday without feeling like you committed treason to your body temple.

2. You can't eat ice cream for dinner.

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Oh but you CAN! But please refer to #1 and remember that Halo Top exists for a reason: MARKET. NEED.

3. You'll be friends with your bestie forever.

She'll decline your invite to your St. Patty's day pregame and decide to have a baby and move to the 'burbs with her picture-perfect husband a little earlier than you. You won't resent it but actually you will just a little teeny bit.

4. You don't need to stretch.

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Honestly, one word has never done so much heavy lifting as stretch has. Downward dog your way through your twenties. Or pack a lumbar pillow for that road trip.

5. You'll never become your parents.

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Just...you will. Before you know it you'll be mimicking their every mannerism until you can't stop and then you are your mother.

6. You should get that tongue piercing.

I actually have a friend that had a tongue piercing in college and worked at Tilly's. We give him SO MUCH shit for it. Not because he worked at Tilly's (there are some great finds in there) but only because we can't get the sibilant "s" that he must have had every time he picked up the phone and said "Welcome to Tilleeth!" out of our heads.

Honestly if you're not Christina Aguilera in 1997 definitely don't touch that belly button either.

7. Sunscreen is for suckers.

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Tan now, filled with wrinkles later. Trust me on this one. And also SPF 4 tanning oil never did anyone any favors. Honestly lose my number if you don't get to SPF 30. Ain't enough botox in the world to fix those Cancun creases, honey.

8. No more recess.

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You have recess when you're older, it's just called "lunch". And the most depressing part is that the "cool kids" don't take lunch. They endlessly gnaw away at 100 Calorie packs at their desks while filling their keyboards with crumbs.

Taylor Wiegele